Miss Roberts

Old Woman Blues

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When testing out this blog on my mobile I discovered it had a huge great ad at the bottom saying “make-up for old women” . Immediately I felt insulted, apart from it being rather ugly in itself the ad seemed to be saying this was a blog by an old woman. Now I look back and wonder why is “old” an insult? the ad was unsurprisingly about how older women should put on make-up to appear younger. I have long preached the values of getting older, yet still I find being called old insulting and I shouldn’t. I know it is used as an insult a lot in our culture, particularly towards women, but I am surprised at myself for having gone along with it.

Obviously the aches and pains that come with age can bring one down, and I know too well the fear of approaching disability and death, but surely ageing is part of the beautiful changing process of life we all go through. The idea of not being part of that cycle is to me ugly.

So too look on the bright side – am I reminding anyone of the last scene in Monty Python’s Life of Brian here? – I am a hell of a lot happier now than I was when I was a teenager. I remember when I was about 14 a friend of my mum’s saying to me “enjoy life now because its all down hill after this”.  I have to say now, to my 14 year old self , that no, no it isn’t! I was a spotty, greasy haired unlovable geek then. Life has had many ups and downs but I am definitely far happier in myself now than I have been before.

I find with the passing years I worry less and less about fashion and other people are concerned less and less with how I am dressed. My clumsy, disorientated tendencies (which come with the brain disease that I’m sure I shall whine about in a later blog) are accepted more as eccentric behaviour and people are more helpful and empathetic than they were when I was younger. Now days I’m pretty much invisible to teenagers on the bus, and that is great, I can just potter along at my own speed unnoticed by the yobs that used to poke fun out of me. I know what is important to me, and who really matters, I know how to stick two fingers up to a lot of the crap that goes on.

I used to work in an office in my twenties, I hated that, perhaps even more than being a teenage geek. Me and the Rude Mechanicals did a song about it recently called Paperwork, the video for which, by Mat Green, is to be released this autumn.  Below are some images of the recent art installation I created in an office as part of Hammersmith Festival. It felt great getting the chance to mess an office up, chuck the paper everywhere and smash up the computer!

At the moment London economics, offices and people in suits are seen as the most important thing in the universe, but me, you, and the trees know, one day all that will disappear and the forest will return.

The Installation is called After and includes the works of Jill Rock, Marina Young and Gardyloo Spew

Perhaps this all makes me sound very old indeed, I’m hopefully barely half way through this changing process.  I enjoy my work, my friends, my flat and the very grumpy cat. I find the world incredibly beautiful, the tinniest detail can hold a million secrets and wonders. This is perhaps the desperate need for optimism in the face of incurable reality, but still – “Always look on the bright side of life…”

Written by Miss Roberts

June 5, 2018 at 11:22 pm

June begins with sinister paisley

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It has been a busy week and I am exhausted, my head is thudding and the ibuprofen isn’t working yet. Thought I’d write this to keep my mind off it and before I start on the codeine.

The Library went well on Tuesday. The Library is currently my small front room and every full moon I hold an event there. This full moon it was Kathryn Davis giving a talk on quantum physics. It was fascinating, I still don’t have a clue about it apart from some things really remind me of The Hitchhikers Guide To the Galaxy, like the improbability drive. I was a young child when the Hitchhikers guide began, my dad was a big fan of Douglas Adams and we were brought up with the guide as a kind of religion, along with Star Trek. In fact, for a long time now life has generally worked out for the best if I just regard it all as The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy.

The epilepsy has been bad this week. Not surprising as it always gets more whenever I’m busy and I also have decided to take myself off the lyrica because it was doing my eyesight in. So it’s just good old Tegretol at the moment and my new faith in breathing exercises, which reminds me I missed yoga this week. Anyway I’ve been getting a seizure almost every time I wake up, which is really weird. I’m in a bad enough mood already when I wake up and having a turn pretty much ruins the entire morning. This week they have involved sharply coloured and intensely patterned spirals and twists enveloping me, they were like those famous silk patterns with tear-drop motif – paisley I think – but very conscious, exceeding powerful, and somehow gut twisting.

My dreams have also been disturbing this week. I keep getting this dream where I’m being chased by this sinister man/force. He is like a cross between William Blake, Beethoven in that famous portrait when he is older and very stern, and the twin peaks hero turned evil in the more recent twin peaks. He chases me though corridors and woods and tunnels. I wonder if it is anything to do with the installation of a ruined office I’ve been doing in Hammersmith this week. Will write more about that in a later blog, because the whole exhibition is huge and very worth while seeing but my head is just not together enough to explain such things as location write now.

On a more easy note I got some wonderful gifts for the Library this week, a box of postcards of botanical prints, a beautiful Aspen leaf necklace, a huge heavy book on Occult Philosophy that is big enough to stun an ox (Laurie Anderson quote, couldn’t resist), a catalogue of the Natural History and Science Emporium from New York, and a lovely card catalog box so I can order my books properly.

I have also sold almost all my Biro Beasts. Just one of the original 10 left, and I’ve started drawing more as they are good to draw and seem to get some of the mess in my head out.

Written by Miss Roberts

June 2, 2018 at 1:47 pm

Posted in Art, Autobiographical, Blog, Uncategorized

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The Black Hole on my Bedroom Shelves

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Well it’s a bank holiday Monday, I was going to get lots done today but seeing as it’s 11 and I’m still in bed that probably isn’t going to happen. Alarm went off at 9, I woke up, cat sat on my face, I made a cup of tea, went to drink the tea in bed and had an epileptic turn. Saw the universe in the hole in my banking file, which then melted and everything melted into it. Took a while to figure out which universe I’m supposed to be in after that. Once it was over I went back to sleep where a very old man sat next to me in a hospital toilet cubicle and told me he had polio. His friend said he was only joking.

Had a good gig in South London on Saturday, a lovely friendly crowd who were well practiced in shouting “hurrah!” with the required hand signal. Sold some Biro Beast drawings and a couple of Rude Mechanicals Glass Eye albums as well. Glass Eye was the bands first album years ago, it sold out but folks have been asking for copies recently so we had another 100 made. On Saturday someone said we sound like Nick Cave and John Lee Hooker, I think that’s good, anyway it’s all gone a lot darker and swampy than it was and I like that, it suits the universe melting into a black hole in my bedroom files.

Last night I went to see Infernal Contraption play at the 100 club on Oxford street. They were very good with lots of odd noises and well thought out songs with interesting subjects. I also got in for free as Jowe put me on the guest list and then I had a drink brought for me so this felt good given my terrible financial situation currently. I managed to go out for the night in Oxford street for the £3 bus fair there and back. I also drew the a possible perfect child whilst waiting for the bus. Could be a development on the old logo?

32583A3A-FAC3-43E0-BDFD-8B1DF5507283 I’ve taken the teeth from a crocodiles smile I’ve stolen the brains of a rich man I’ve torn the tongue from the snide st witch I’ve threaded my needle and now I must stitch[/caption]

Written by Miss Roberts

May 28, 2018 at 10:44 am

Beasts in an old fashioned diary

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This is a old fashioned diary, not a blog really, because an old fashioned diary was a splurge of inner thoughts to an imaginary person, where as I think now days a blog is a planned piece of writing written for the public or a specific audience. If I plan this I cease up, I have nothing to say that’s important enough, where as if I splurge out myself on the page I can just keep going forever.

Its a system of my condition apparently, this splurging, temporal lobe epilepsy gives one a need to splurge out the thoughts on paper, as well a experiencing god and being obsessed with religion, any religion, I’m not fussy, as long as it’s got a god or two in it. The condition is also thought to give you a lack of sex drive, this I haven’t noticed, if anything I don’t get enough good sex but then different people have different ideas of good I suppose. Perhaps I should date a vicar.

Tonight I’m playing another gig with the Rude Mechanicals in South London. Might try some tarot reading maybe. I’ve found I do this best when i’m drunk.

i’ll also be selling my Biro Beasts. This is because I’m in desperate need of money at the moment, and drawing monsters is one of the few things I can do easily it seems. There are a lot of half formed beasts in the corners of the mind, though I suppose in an old fashioned diary I would just draw them straight in the book, and it wouldn’t be just a photo of them.


Written by Miss Roberts

May 26, 2018 at 9:15 am

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Good Morning, Rude Mechanicals gig in Stoke tonight, I probably ought to get out of bed for it

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I’m in bed, the cat is on my lap trying to stop me from writing this and my tea is nice but does taste just a little bit metallic. Tonight is a Rude Mechanicals gig in Stoke. Luckily I’m not teaching today. I must get out of bed, shower and get off to see Punkvert to collect the remains of the Cyclops and the Wildebeest albums. Then get back and finish the Wildebeest linocuts. Oh, also there is a video installation thing I need to prepare, filmed with John Callaghan it is of the naked Cyclops in the Library of Obscure Wonders. Need to find wig, make sure dress is still in one piece and not too smelly. And I’d better print out the new songs in extra large prints and ask Jowe to bring his music stand along. Jowe wrote two of the new songs we are doing tonight, they are very good, one is about Coney Island and one is about creating a Golem, which is something I will make one day along with my perfect child.

Must get out of bed

but I can’t get out of bed because that would disturb the cat!

This is a lot of spoododle (a word I’ve just invented for writing fairly drab descriptions whilst lying in with a cat on your lap). Maybe I’ll see you later at the gig?

( soon I will write about my beloved chrysanthemum which recently passed away and do more animation)


Written by Miss Roberts

March 23, 2018 at 9:12 am

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She Snored Like A Rhino

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Its been two weeks. I know I said I’d create a miniature animation every week, but this is a little bit bigger than miniature and almost, but not quite, has a story. Very loosely based on a Rude Mechanicals song done many many moons ago. I think the track is on the Homemade album, though to be honest with you I can’t remember how it goes. And yes I do snore, horribly!

Written by Miss Roberts

February 20, 2018 at 2:37 pm

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5 weeks

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There are now five weeks leading up to my birthday and I’ve decided to set myself a task. The task is to create one miniature animation per week for the next 5 weeks, or one larger one with a story.

This task is very much like my New Years resolutions in that there is a high possibility of it not actually happening, or even beginning. But this is a mission that has been set and I will try my best to complete it!

(Note the determination in my eyes there)

To get me in the mood here is a very basic little animation I did 5 years ago about Derek, the man in my loft, with sound by Rude Mechanicals and especially Tom Greenhalgh on drum sticks.

Written by Miss Roberts

February 5, 2018 at 1:12 pm

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