Gig report: Dragons, cloven feet and Lord Flasheart

We had a good gig on Saturday, a jolly audience including a lot of folk I’d never seen before. I was exhausted when I first tuned up to the venue. I’d been working all day, lugging stuff to Tottenham and back. The cats I’d been hallucinating in the corners, turned in to dragons, small dragons, but very fierce, perhaps they helped me find enough energy.

Dagma was excellent doing the door, even though she can’t count British coins, she is from Austria and was only visiting for that weekend. Marina came along later and helped selling merchandise, which was good as I completely forgot about that after the gig.

The swamp monster artworks went at the start, to those who knew her name is Gertrude. There is just 5 of them in existence so those who have them make sure you take care of them!

Folk tell me that the performance was very sinister, very “Birthday Party”, and someone thought my feet were cloven, which perhaps they were that evening. At the very start of the performance the buxom Gardyloo Spew was giving me attitude so I had to slap her around the face and blow raspberries at her. Jowe was his usual sinister self, doing a most convincing impersonation of a Golem. Dr Cos held things together triumphantly, with added panache, as only he can, whilst the Drummer, dressed in just clingfilm and gaffa tape, told the audience off, gave me a bottle of red wine, then attempted to roll me over his back whilst I was singing, which made the dragons roar around the edges of my vision. An interesting experience that should be tried again.

Oh and the audience were fabulous at Woofing! Such sexy hip jolting and pelvis thrusting! I’m sure Lord Flasheart would be proud.

The other two acts, David Cronenberg’s wife and Dirty Viv, were splendid. Viv looked beautiful in his wig and incredibly skimpy pvc skirt and the music made me think perhaps drum machines aren’t so hideous after all. Tom from David Cronenberg’s Wife was smartly dressed in a red and black suit and the band played with exquisite vigour. I’m a bit of a fan of Tom’s dark storytelling with guitar, which is difficult to hear when done as a full band, but the band’s punch and excitement made up for it.

We also had DJing from Enri and sillyBoyblue. I love dancing to Bowie!

I had several curious propositions after performing that night, to which I can only reply “what does your girlfriend/wife/mum/bank manager think about that?”

And Lord Flashheart has read my blog and wants to apply for the job of perfect lover.


Next performance this coming Friday (29th March) at Scaledown, upstairs at the King & Queen, Fitzrovia, near Goodge st tube, London. Just me and Dr Chapman doing an acoustic set.

Photo by the wonderful Michael Antony Hyman.


I played two gigs last night, and somehow strutting my stuff on stage, singing, prancing and telling folks dark stories from my psychological diseased pit, seems to bring me back to a level zero where everything is…alright. After an unpleasant week at work that finished with a batch of seizures it might seem strange that two gigs be the thing to bring life back to stable, but it seems it is.

The first gig was with Dr Cos and Gardyloo Spew. It was at the Hundred Years Gallery and it was delightful. Playing to a home crowd as they say. Cos was on acoustic guitar! He has never played acoustic live before so this was something new. The security of those very many pedals was not there! He played very well, as did Spew who played percussion on a hardboard box that is actually a plinth but makes a good percussion instrument. Also, Graham, The Lovely Management, lent Spew a nice looking percussion instrument, I can’t remember what it was called, but it sounded good. Thanks to Mark and Noel for organising this, an event to remember Danny Pockets who passed away last year.

The second gig was up in Holloway at the Owl and Pussycat. This time it was just me and Dr Cos and his many effects pedals. A crowd of strangers, and interesting they were too. Some were dressed up in really fanciful costumes with feathers ( the theme was night owl) and glitter whilst others were dressed really casual t-shirt and jeans. The age range went from early twenties to late sixties. I quite liked the inconsistent dress of our audience. They were a well behaved audience, the acts on before us had been good quality story telling which meant the audience were good at listening. The small well groomed room was packed out. They sat silently, applauding at the correct moments, and were pretty good at the Woofs as well.


( and thrust the pelvis forward, Lord Flasheart style)

So next gig is this coming Saturday (23rd March) at the George Tavern. Practice your pelvis thrusts and be there!

Photo by Mat Green in the Library of Obscure Wonders

Wednesday’s child is full of woe

This week it was my birthday week, and despite it being a truely lovely week with lots of friends and cards and presents, I am still feeling down today. No idea why. Absolutely none. I mean I could blame Brexit, the global environment situation, the violence and wars, I could blame any of those, but it’s not. The sewage has not returned, my brain hasn’t been playing up too much and the hallucinations are mainly just cats, and for now I have just enough work to keep going. It’s not even the fact that I’m getting older, i don’t mind getting older, I mean we all do it, and I’m quite enjoying the confidence that comes with age. So I’ve no idea. It is a deep ocean of sorrow lurking beneath the service that I can’t seem to shift.

This is why, as the queen of everything, I’m going to have an official birthday party on the 23rd March, where I will celebrate life, and spring and the coming of summer. New beginnings and life escaping the grip of winter. Yes. We shall dance and sing and know what it is to be fully alive!

I shall officially celebrate it on the 23rd March with the Rude Mechanicals gig at the George Tavern of Commercial Road, London.

I’m 107 years old, according to Facebook. I feel about 107 today, but I will be 23 again on the 23rd!

I was born on a Wednesday, maybe that is why my birthday makes me blue. Though I am also a Pisces. I had my students draw mackerel on Friday. What beautiful creatures they are, incredible colours. One day I’ll move from London and live near the sea, somewhere warm maybe, where I can swim among the fishes.

As a Pisces I’m a fantastic day dreamer.

And here fantastic fishes duskly float,
Using the calm for waters, while their fires
Throb out quick rhythms along the shallow air.